Trust, Old Friend, I Will Fight For You
Updated: Jan 21
In the days of late, I sense the world delights in my uncertainty.
Stripping me naked and forthright, eyes held low, mind scattered with unanswered questions.
Old friend, I knew you once when simplicity made stability and my heartbeat held steady. It was a basic level. Manageable.
Trust. I will fight for you and know you again. You will help me navigate raw, exposed, and ultimately radiant in the world, as I am my future and the past is dust and glitter.
You will blanket me in calm cool light and allow me to love and blossom as do all things living and luscious.
A while back, I found myself at a retreat doing an exercise on trust. This was a presentation about implicit bias, but this particular activity threw me off. We were instructed to write down everyone we trusted. People that we felt really had our back in the workplace and beyond. I froze. Most of the time I’m trying to prove my competence and confidently power through my tasks like a semi-truck. Not focused on deep connections. I only had a few people on that list. I went home and later that night sat down with a glass of wine, pen in hand, and tried to recreate that list for my personal life. Again, not an impressive outcome.
I pose this general question-
How do we navigate the world with diminishing trust in humanity and still become successful and happy human beings in healthy relationships?
Lack of trust can ruin someone’s life. You think you can do it all and only rely on yourself but you can’t. Your paranoia of others and the feeling of looming disaster spreads a horrible energy around you. Even if you wanted to have more friends or a relationship, you probably can’t because people can sniff out your vibe a mile away.
I’ve been doing the “work”, so I’ve been able to build some new relationships and strengthen others here and there. Not perfect but better. Healthy.
How do we keep life events from knocking us down again and closing us off to the world? I feel like my hope is like delicate crystal, easily shattered, and I am always trying to rebuild to that healthy level of trust again. Trust that everything will be ok. Trust that what I offer the world is valuable. Trust that the universe or god has a plan for me. I guess the most powerful thing I possess is a fountain of hope and self-awareness to realize I can do better and have better no matter what. I am afraid for those that don’t have that..
Here are 6 ways to rebuild your trust in humanity from a post on Psychology Today:
Stay in one place. There is something magical and exotic about taking off to this amazing destination or that new city or region of the country, but it is also a way to never plant roots and sever friendships.
Ground yourself in a routine. I often find myself bored with routine and need to mix it up. I also know that it is the healthiest thing for me. My daughter is a perfect example. Kids thrive off of routine and when you don’t put one together, things feel chaotic and you can see it expressed in your children.
Give a little and see what you get. We HAVE to put ourselves out there a little bit. For me, a little develops into a lot and I can make huge adjustments and get out of the rut. Ask your neighbor for some coffee when you’re out. Pick up the phone and call your friends instead of texting endlessly. Make a plan to get together with a co-worker. Take a class and meet others.
Make plans for the future. People who have problems with trust may have experienced some type of trauma. Trauma creates hopelessness and a sense of a foreshortened future. Take some time to make short term and long term plans so there is also something that feels good and rewards you right around the corner.
Trust an animal. The companionship and affection seem to build confidence, “a safe haven or secure base”.
Stop painting red flags green. We need to trust in ourselves the first time a signal is in front of us. People who struggle with trust often regret that their “picker” is broken, although we’ve rationalized the red flags and turned them green in our minds. Ask yourself what you would tell a friend to do in your situation for perspective.
I can write my list now with more ease. It will never be too large, but it will be of exceptional quality!
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